Home again

Hey guys! We arrived home a couple of days ago after an incredible week in Ethiopia with our little boys. I wrote a few blogs while we were there but was not able to post them because of internet issues while we were in Ethiopia. You can view the blogs for the first few days below, however I didn't write one for our last day because I ended up getting food poisoning and stayed in bed. Thankfully, one of the other couples had stomach antibiotics that they gave me, and I was feeling reasonably well by the time we had to leave for the airport that evening. It stinks that I was not able to go to the care center that last day and say good-bye to the boys, but Stephen went and spent time with them. An interpreter was there to tell Surafel that we would be coming back to get them soon, but still it's hard to have to tell them that we are leaving without them. It's awful to tell you the truth, but we trust that God is in control. Soon they will be home, and we'll be able to start our new life together. :)

Our court day! (day 4)

Today was our court appointment to officially adopt Surafel and Esrael. What an incredible experience it was! We, along with two other adoptive couples from our agency, went to the court house this morning around 9:30. We had no idea what to expect. When we arrived, we climbed up 3 or 4 flights of stairs, walked down a narrow hallway and entered into a very modest size room that was already very full of other people. We stood as a group, wondering how long we would be waiting. We quickly noticed that many of the other families there were European, and few were speaking in English. It was so interesting to see such a wide variety of people, all there in a small waiting room to adopt children from Ethiopia.

One by one families were called into the next room, and within a minute or so they would exit. We kept wondering what they do in there that takes such a short period of time. Slowly the room cleared out until we were some of the last people waiting. Then we heard our agency's name called. All three of us couples, along with our agency's representative, Haile, entered into the next room. The judge sat behind a desk on one end of the room, and we all sat in chairs along the opposite wall. She first asked which family was adopting each child, and then began by asking a few questions.

"Do you all have children of your own?"

"Yes", we replied in unison.

"Have you told your children about the adoption of these children?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to teach your adopted children about their culture?"

"Yes."

"Do you understand that this cannot be reversed?"

"Yes."

"Okay, that is all I wanted to know. They are yours."

Apparently our MOWA letter had arrived a couple of weeks prior to our trip. We looked at each other in shock as they opened the door for us to leave. I think all of us were crying as we made our way down the stairs and back out to the van. They're really ours now? These boys...they are our children... for real. It was the same feeling as when Kinsey and Keira were placed in our arms for the first time. What a wonderful feeling!

We all ate a quick lunch before heading to the care center to see OUR kids! I watched as Surafel kicked a soccer ball, and Esrael chased him around with a ball of his own. These boys have no idea what just happened, but it's going to change everything for them.

We decided to take the boys to go get ice-cream to celebrate a successful court day. Up until this point we hadn't seen anything that looked like a regular grocery store, but our driver, Yitbarek, was able to find us a nearby supermarket. Now, supermarket in Ethiopia actually means a small store that is about five or six aisles wide, but still it was the most modern store we had seen yet. When we walked in we were shocked and excited to see a few car baskets at the front. The boys climbed inside excitedly and started pretending to drive. They were having a blast, and it was so awesome to see them really enjoying themselves.

The store had a small soft serve ice-cream machine, and when I handed Surafel a cup of it as he sat happily in his car basket, he looked up at me and slowly said, "Thank... you." I bent down and kissed his cheek, and clapped for him for speaking in English. He looked so proud as I kept telling him "Good job! What a smart boy!". I think this is going to be one of my favorite memories for years to come.

When we climbed back in the van, Stephen sat in the front holding a large box filled with little cups of ice-cream for the rest of the kids at the care center. I was a little worried as I sat in between Surafel and Esrael that Surafel might get upset because he always sat in Stephen's lap. But he sat happily next to me as he ate his ice-cream, glancing up from time to time with a big smile on his face. He kept taking a bite and then would slide a little closer to me, then a little more until he just climbed into my lap. I held him tightly as I thought about how within just a few short days this little guy has really let his guard down with us despite his past trauma. I can't wait for the day that we get to bring them home, and they get to experience life in a loving family every single day.

When we arrived back at the care center everyone hopped out and started handing out ice-cream to the other children. Surafel proudly gave some to each of his friends. Esrael insisted on staying in the van though. I'm telling you, he is crazy about cars! We sat in the front seat with our driver as he let Esrael hold onto the steering wheel. I kept trying to feed him some of the ice-cream, but he would just shake his head and kept pulling on the steering wheel. Then Yitbarek offered him a bite of his, and he took it. He laughed and said in broken English, "It's because... he loves...me." I laughed too and said, "Yes, he does. And he loves your car too!". He thought that was hilarious. I'm so thankful that Yitbarek is so loving and playful with our boys. He acts more like an uncle with them. The boys see him weekly since he is the official driver for our agency, and Esrael especially is very close to him.

We were sad to say good-bye again. This time Esrael wouldn't let go of me, and Surafel clung to Stephen too. Their nanny came and pulled them away so that we could leave. It was awful to leave like that. I am really thankful for their nanny, though, because she is incredibly kind and loving with them. You can tell that they love her, and she is always showering them with affection. Earlier that day, she came up while I was holding Esrael and squeezed his chubby cheeks and kissed them. Then she said in English, "I love you!". Esrael made a face back at her and they started sticking their tongues out at each other playfully. I'm thankful for this woman, and that she is truly caring for our boys!

We've still got a ways to go before our boys come home. It's usually 6-8 weeks before the embassy date is set which is when we come back to Ethiopia and all of the formal paperwork is finally finished processing. In the grand scheme of things, 6-8 weeks isn't a long time, but when I think about each individual day that our boys have to wait in the care center without us, it seems like forever. We rest in the sovereignty of God, knowing that He is faithful not only to provide for all of our needs, but also for our sons. Jude Surafel and Liam Esrael.

Day 2 & 3 in Ethiopia

These past few days have been so incredibly amazing, so exhausting, so wonderful…

On our second trip to the care center, it was so encouraging to see Esrael, our two-year-old, spot us when we arrived and run straight to us. As I held him, we peeked into the tiny classroom on the right hand side that had a misspelled sign over it saying, “Pre-shcool”. We listened quietly as the four and five year olds repeated “One, two, three, four…” after their teacher. She saw us standing there, said something to Surafel , and he quickly jumped up and turned around. Then a huge smile came across his face and he ran to Stephen to hug him. Stephen picked him up and put him on his shoulders and they bounced down the hallway to the front steps where we had left a suitcase full of toys and snacks. I took Esrael out too, and we all sat on the steps looking through the suitcase. Both boys enjoyed some juice boxes and oranges, and then we played with the bubbles.

The family that is adopting Surafel’s best friend also sat on the steps, showing their little boy, Nati, what they had brought for him. He also had bubbles, and it was so funny to watch as the boys blew bubbles in each others faces and ears. At one point, one of the bubbles popped in Nati’s eye, and they started roughhousing. We sat and watched as Surafel and Nati would chase each other and hold up their fist or leg as if they were going to hit or kick each other, and then they would drop it back down. At that moment I thought to myself, “Oh my gosh, having boys is going to be so different!” haha The other family has several girls already, and Nati will be their first boy so we joked together about how different it is going to be for us to have boys!

Stephen kicked a ball back and forth with Surafel, and ended up tickling him and swung him up onto his shoulders again. Surafel pretended to play drums on Stephen’s head, and then he bend down and kissed Stephen’s cheek several times. I almost cried as I watched Stephen pull Surafel down, swing him in his arms several times and then kiss him back.

Things seemed to be going very smoothly, and about the time I started to wonder when we would see some behavioral issues from all of the trauma that Surafel in particular been through, something happened. Surafel found a hollow black stick, similar to PVC pipe, and after banging on a few outdoor trash cans like he was playing the drums, Stephen snuck it out of his hand. He jumped around trying to catch it while Stephen would swing it around and gently poke his tummy or tap his legs, keeping it just out of his reach. You could tell Surafel was getting frustrated that he couldn’t grab it back, and when he finally did he smacked Stephen’s leg with it as hard as he could. When Stephen gently told him “No” he ran off with it to play with his friend. But it wasn’t more than a few minutes before his friend took something of his and so he picked up the stick again and hit his friend.

At this point, we felt we needed to intervene so Stephen took the stick from him and again said “No, no” gently but firmly. Surafel’s head dropped, and he burst into tears. Stephen picked him up and and held him tightly as some of the nannies came outside to console him, but Surafel wouldn’t let them. He sobbed with his face buried in Stephen’s shoulder, so Stephen sat on the ground with him in his lap, leaning against the outside of the building. He cried hard for a good 30 or 40 minutes straight. Stephen quietly sang in his ear, and repeated, “Surafel, I love you. Ewedhalo .” (which is Amharic for I love you) I sat nearby on the steps with Esrael and tried not to cry at the thought of how difficult Surafel’s life has been so far, and how I probably would throw a fit too if I had experienced as much trauma and loss as he has. Poor baby, he’s been through so much. As hard as it was to witness this, I’m glad that it happened because we are already starting to build trust with him. Stephen was able to show him that even though he was acting up, we are still going to hug and hold him and tell him how much he is loved. I have a feeling that it’s going to take a lot of these kinds of moments with him where we are able to show him that no matter what, we are not leaving and will not stop loving him.

In our training seminar, we were told that you cannot be too patient, too gracious, too lavishing, too loving when it comes to traumatized children. They need countless experiences where they are able to see that they have a mom and dad that love them deeply, that are not going to leave, and that will meet all of their needs and even many of their wants. They gave the analogy of two baskets that have rocks in them, one symbolizing good experiences and one symbolizing bad experiences. With traumatized children, they’ve had so many bad “rocks” and as an adoptive parent, you must consistently reach into their lives and move the bad “rocks” into the good basket. To replace bad experiences with ones of love, joy, security, and stability. It’s a hard job to move all of those rocks from the bad basket over to the good one, and it takes not only consistency but also time. BUT studies show that when children are placed with loving families, they can heal incredibly well over time and grow up to be happy and well-adjusted adults. That’s what we want for Surafel and Esrael. Esrael doesn’t seem to have as hard of a time with everything. Though he looks wide-eyed and nervous at times, he’s still such a baby with much fewer memories of his past. I can only hope that he doesn’t remember as much of the pain that they have been through.

We left that day on a very good note, and as Surafel started to look sad that we had to leave, we had his nanny tell him that tomorrow we would take them to our hotel to play for the day. He looked very excited and hugged us tightly. We showed up the next morning, and sure enough the boys were ready to go! Surafel looked toward the van expectantly, and he had the biggest smile on his face as we climbed in. Both of the boys loved the drive. Esrael especially loves cars. The nannies often smile and laugh at him because he is always saying “Makina! Makina!” (Car! Car!) We spent the afternoon in our hotel room, first playing with the cars and planes on the floor while drinking juice boxes. Stephen had lunch delivered from a nearby restaurant and Esrael insisted on sitting in my lap while we ate. He sat facing me while I fed him ravioli and then proceeded to try and feed me french fries. It was so cute how he would put one up to my mouth, I would bite it, and then he would put the other half in his mouth. Surafel sat happily eating his food, and exclaiming something in Amharic from time to time. It’s so hard to not be able to understand the things he’s saying. He’s so expressive, and I love to watch him talking. At one point during the meal Esrael dropped his toy “Makina”. Surafel quickly bent down to get it for him, and as he handed it to his brother he said, “Car.” I looked up and said, “Surafel! You said it in English! You said car! Very good!!” He looked so proud, and had such a big grin on his face. I love his smile!

Towards the end of the afternoon, I noticed that although the boys had had a ton to eat and drink neither of them had used the restroom since we left the care center that morning. I walked with Esrael into the bathroom and asked if he needed to go while pointing to the potty. He slowly shrugged his shoulders and walked out, but within a couple of minutes he came up to me while pulling on the front of his shorts. So I helped him sit up there while he went. It was then that it hit me that my two-year-old is potty trained! This means no diapers for us. Yay! J Esrael loves washing his hands, which is such a good thing in a third-world country. We must have washed our hands 10 or 12 times that afternoon.

I got the cutest video of Esrael sitting on the ground pretending to fly his airplane in the air. He discovered a piece of chocolate on the nearby table and sat down to unwrap it. It was hilarious to watch him slowly but surely get it open and then transfer it from hand to hand as it melted all over the place. He finally just put the whole thing in his mouth, and then looked around for something to wipe his hands with. When he found nothing, he reached forward and wiped his fingers on his toy airport. Daddy then came to the rescue with a wipe for him. I think this is going to be one of our favorite home videos for years to come. J

There was no crying when we took them home late that afternoon, but Esrael clung tightly to me, and a nanny had to try to distract him with a toy car while I slipped out the door. I can’t wait for the day that we don’t have to leave them anymore. We can’t wait to bring them home, and show them that they really are part of our family forever. Tomorrow morning is our court date. If the MOWA letter is there, we will probably be able to bring them home either late May or sometime in June. If it’s not, things will be delayed 3-4 weeks. We have a peace about it and know that God knows when is the best time for them to come home. He certainly sees a bigger picture than us so we trust him that he will be faithful to take care of us and the boys. Still, as parents we want to have our children home as soon as possible. J

Day 1 in Ethiopia

What a day we’ve had so far and it’s only 5pm here right now. This morning we woke up and had a nice breakfast in our guest house with the other three families that came at the same time as us. We love the other couples already, and have spent the day with them first visiting our kids, then eating lunch at one of the local restaurants, then doing a little bit of shopping for souvenirs. It’s been good to have others around that you can not only relate to, but to laugh and cry with. One of the couples is adopting a little boy that is best friends with our four-year-old, Surafel. They happen to live in Houston, TX so we are already talking about planning a meeting once or twice a year for the boys to see each other.

We went over to the care center this morning around 9:30 and were able to stay for a couple of hours. We pulled up to the gated pink building, and as we entered we heard the nannies start calling the kids to come down and say hi. As we walked into the building, the first child I saw was our little Esrael (2 years old) standing in the hallway, wide-eyed and timid. I went up to him and bent down to look into his eyes. I looked at the nanny and said, “This is Esrael, right”. She said, “Yes, yes! Esrael.” I picked him up and said “Seulam” which means “Hello”. He put his little arm around my neck but looked terrified, like he had no idea what was going on. Then Surafel came running down the steps and out the door. The nanny called him back and pointed to Stephen and told him that this was his new dad. He stopped quickly and looked up at Stephen. Stephen held his arms out and asked to pick him up and he let him hold him. They stood there for several minutes with Surafel’s arms around Stephen’s neck and his head on his shoulder.

Then Stephen took him to the front steps and opened the large bag of toys and snacks that we brought. He picked up the two stuffed animals first and ran to Esrael to give him one. Esrael hugged it and we went over and sat on the steps too. I quickly realized that Esrael LOVES cars and planes. Those are the main things he wanted to hold. For the first hour we were there Esrael seemed timid and quiet. Stephen gave Surafel one of the juice boxes that we brought, which he loved, but Esrael didn’t want to eat or drink anything at first. I didn’t see him smile or really play much. He just watched everything. After a while, Stephen passed out some little chocolates to all of the kids (there were probably about twenty at this care center, not including those in the infant room). We gave Esrael a piece of chocolate, which he surprisingly took and started to nibble on. I watched and took pictures and video as it started to melt on his fingers and he would lick it off and put it in his other hand, then lick that one and switch back. It was so cute, and he ended up with it all over his hands and face. After that he let me pick him up again and clean him up and put a new shirt on him that had cars on it. He kept saying “Makina!” which means “car”. When I showed Surafel his new shirt and shorts and shoes he ran up and cried “Ah!!” and quickly put them on. He looked so proud!

All of the kids were called to an upstairs room for lunch and the parents sat on the couches and helped our kids eat. They were served injera, the flat bread, with lentils on it. Each child sat, and even the one-year-olds knew how to feed themselves . I watched as Esrael picked a piece of injera up, dipped it in the sauce, blew on it, and put it in his mouth. This was the cleanest I’ve ever seen a two-year-old eat! Meanwhile, Surafel sat in Stephen’s lap and was fascinated as Stephen showed him how to play Angry Birds on his iphone. I took soooo many pictures and video that I hope to be able to share soon. It’s really hard to find internet here, and when you do it’s goes off and on.

After lunch is when Esrael really warmed up to me. We played in the upstairs hallway with a bouncy ball for a few minutes before it ended up going over the railing and landing in the court yard. I held my hand out to see if he would hold it while we went down the stairs. He grabbed it and we walked down together to get the ball. On the way up, I walked behind him and he took it step by step. When we got half way up, he turned around and held his arms up for me to hold him. It was the first time he initiated it. I picked him up and gave him a hug, and he looked at me for a second and then said, “Amaye” which means mommy. I almost cried right there. We spent another hour or so with the boys, playing in the courtyard with bubbles, balloons, cars and trucks. Stephen and Surafel had a game of catch going with one of the balloons and he ran over and pulled me in to join. Esrael then wanted to sit in my lap, and he let me feed him a cookie and juice box. Then we sat on the floor and played with the trains and cars going “vroom! Vroom!!” It was so adorable. I took a picture of Esrael with his tongue stuck out to the side and when I showed it to him he couldn’t stop giggling! We were really becoming friends!

We had to go shortly after, and while Esrael gave us a hug and kept playing like any two-year-old would do, Surafel’s face dropped when he realize we had to go. Stephen picked him and and hugged him so tightly and kept saying “It’s okay. We’ll be back tomorrow. I love you. You’re my boy.” The nanny translated for him, but Surafel started to cry. We all hugged and started crying before climbing into the van with the other families that were also in tears. I can’t wait to go back to them tomorrow. We have the option of bringing them to our hotel, and while all the families agree that it would be too confusing for the kids if we keep them with us overnight, we are going to bring the boys to stay here for the day tomorrow or the next day along with the other family that has the boy that is best friends with Surafel. That way we can have all day to play with them, and maybe get them some ice-cream and play games.

We’ll try to update some more tomorrow. There’s so much to say, but I think most of it will have to wait until we’re back in the US. I hope to upload at least a few of the many pictures we took, though. We are already so in love with these boys!!

Traveling to Ethiopia

So much has progressed in the adoption of our two little boys since I last wrote about it. It seems like every day there is something new. We received our court date back in February for April 13th, which means we are leaving next friday (one week from today) and will stay there for 5 days. The flight over there is more than 24 hours long so we will be gone a whole week, but we'll only be in Ethiopia for 5 of those days.

We had quite the scare last month when MOWA announced that they were going to reduce the number of international adoptions in Ethiopia by 90% effective almost immediately. We prayed and prayed because this meant that it would slow down the process so much that our boys would have to wait until next year to be brought home rather than just another couple of months. This was truly heart-breaking news. But the head of MOWA resigned and whoever is now in charge has made the reduction much milder and is letting families that already had a court date keep theirs. Praise God we still get to bring them home soon!

We are so close to meeting our kids. I can't help but think about what it's going to be like to see them in person, to play with them, to hopefully hold and hug them if they'll let us. Stephen and I have been brainstorming on ways to make our first meeting as comfortable and fun for them as possible. One of the few ideas that we are going to do is that we are going to bring a small guitar with us (to leave with them to play with) but Stephen will be able to play little songs and sing with them in hopes that it may help bring down some of the barriers between us, being that we are still strangers to them and speak a different language. Children love music so we're hoping this will help.

Up until this point in the process I've been pretty stable emotionally. Certainly we get really excited at times and truly sad for them, their birth mom, and the orphan crisis in general as well at times. But yesterday was my first day where I really almost lost it. Okay, I actually did. We had a fun busy day, and that evening Stephen put the girls to bed while I went to the Target to get groceries and some more items for our trip next week. I was standing in the toy section trying to pick out a stuffed animal, or lovey as we call it, that we can give to each of the boys to sleep with and hold on to when we have to leave after our court date. I feel like the weight of everything just suddenly hit me, how precious our time with them is going to be and how hard it will be to leave without taking them right away, and as I stood there holding a light blue elephant for Esrael, our two-year-old, I literally almost burst into tears. Luckily I was able to keep it together until I got home. I made it two steps inside the house and then proceeded to do so in front of my husband. I'm so grateful to have a husband that is so gentle and loving, that knows just what to say and how to pray for me. And when to offer me some chocolate too. :)

This is such a hard thing to go through. I'm not talking about the financial aspect, or the paperwork, or even so much the waiting to bring them home. What is wrecking me out is the reality that our boys have been through so much pain losing their father, being abandoned by their birth mother, living in an institution right now. I think about how Keira sometimes wakes up at night and I hear her crying, "Mommy! Mommy!". And I run to get her, to let her know that I'm still here and that she's okay. And I think about not only our boys, but the other 5 million+ orphans in Ethiopia that cry out for their parents and no one comes. God, if it is this heartbreaking for me, what is it like for these little children?

We're praying for strength moving forward as we prepare to go to Ethiopia. This is such a special time for our family. We are certainly going to be taking lots of pictures and video, and I know this is going to be something we will cherish forever. Our first meeting... with our own children. I would do anything for them, and I haven't even met them yet. Thank you, Lord, for these two precious little boys.

We most likely have the opportunity to meet their birth mother. This is something that is extremely important to us, and we are going to try to do this if at all possible. I want to be able to sit down with this woman and ask her her story. I want to tell her that we are going to love and nurture these little boys just like our own biological daughters. I don't know why she left them, especially on the streets. Surely she loves them? Though most of the kids that end up in orphanages do so because they lost their parents to aids, many are there because they lost one parent and the other couldn't afford to even feed them. When I read that the average monthly income in Ethiopia is $23, and the cost of food in Ethiopia is similar to America, I can start to see why so many parents are saying they can't take care of their children. To eat even one small meal a day as a family can exceed the average income.

All of this to say, we are SO for international adoption. We truly love it, but it is not going to solve the orphan crisis in Ethiopia. Not when the number of orphans in Ethiopia is rising by the millions every couple of years, and that is not an exaggeration. While we are in Ethiopia next week we will be meeting with a man that lives in Ethiopia that we met at an orphan conference recently. He is working with a ministry called Seeds Adoption that is working to provide resources and tools to the growing churches in Ethiopia in hopes to equip these pastors to be able to address these issues in their own communities. This is really an incredible opportunity for anyone to get involved. I'm attaching a short video for Seeds Adoption if you are interested in what it's all about.

Please be praying for us as we prepare for all of this. We are so excited and can't wait to see our boys and experience the beauty and culture of Ethiopia. I'm sure we'll have plenty of pictures to share when we get back, and we hope to be updating daily on facebook while we're there. Thanks for your prayers and support!

http://vimeo.com/21771950