The Miller 6- A new "normal"

The funny thing about life is that it never quite goes as planned. There are always bumps in the road and twists and turns that you didn't expect. With our adoption process we didn't even quite know what to expect. I mean, there are so many unknowns about what life is going to be like once you bring your children home. You can daydream all day long about what you hope it will be like, but the fact of the matter is that there are dozen of different factors that will contribute to what it actually turns out to be like. We have so many friends that have adopted or are going through the adoption process, and really the one thing that we all have in common is that each story is different. Different children, different ages, different countries, different challenges. But the same joy.

Here we are two months after we brought Jude Surafel and Liam Esrael home. I can tell you that what I thought would be a challenge for us has not been, and what I didn't think would be an issue has been. It's funny how that works. We were prepared to bring home two little boys that probably wouldn't eat well, sleep well, play well, or honestly adjust well to a completely new life. At least not at first, right? I mean, if this were happening to me I'd probably be throwing tantrums constantly and freaking out over how much change I was being forced to face all at one time. We read the books that shed light on all of the different possible problems we could encounter, particularly with adopting toddlers that are too young to fully understand what is going on but old enough to be distressed about the many different changes they are going through. We were prepared to deal whatever crazy stuff came our way.

We've definitely been dealing with our fair share of difficulties which I'll mention later, but as far as Jude and Liam are concerned, I've never been so amazed. These kids are resilient to say the least. There are times that I will just stand back and watch in awe as they truly thrive in their new environment. Life is filled with so many precious and often times funny moments. Like how each time Liam will discover a new toy (which is like every 5 minutes) he will exclaim to his brother, "Jude Afafen! Look! Fun! Fun!" Or how no matter what I tell the boys we are going to do, they get excited about it.

Me: "Time to go in the car."

Them: "Yay! Go in car!"

Me: "Come on kids. Time to eat."

Them: "Yay! Come eat! Come eat!"

Me: "Bubble bath time."

Them: "Bubbles! Bubbles! Come on!!"

I also love how Jude really likes to understand what to expect each day and tries to communicate it to me. It goes something like this. (Excitedly) "Mommy? Wake up, eat eggies, clothes, swing, eat banana, tv, sleep, eat, bubbles, books, sleep!" Haha

When it comes to disciplining them, it usually doesn't take much to correct the behavior. Yesterday as we walked through our neighborhood after dropping Keira off for Kindergarten, Jude happily skipped down the sidewalk ahead of me. When he started to get a little too far, I called to him to stop and wait for Liam and me to catch up. He thought for a moment, put his hand over his mouth while giggling, and then turned and kept going full pace until he was out of my sight. Luckily we were already close to our house, but still I knew he had to understand the importance of following the rules especially when we were outside and near the street. I sat him on his bed when we got home and calmly told him in simple words that he could understand that since he didn't stop when I said stop, he had to sit in his room instead of eating his snack right away (A banana, as usual. They act like it's desert or something! haha) He nodded and then cried for a few minutes before I let him join his brother for snack time. What I thought was so interesting is that today he was very careful to not get more than 10 or 15 feet in front of me while we walked to the school. He would skip for a bit and then turn around and look at me as if to say, "Is this ok?" When I would nod, he would continue on for a bit before checking again to make sure he wasn't too far. He really is such a great kid! :)

While I am quite surprised and thankful for how well the boys seem to be adjusting here, I'm certainly not trying to sugar-coat this or make adoption look like an effortless journey that contains no hardship or heartache. Believe me, it contains both. There is plenty of heartache as you navigate through the adoption process, as you wonder where your child is and what he is doing, as you see the faces of many children in need of families, as you pray and hope and wait to bring your child home. And there is plenty of heartache once you bring them home and you spend yourself to the point of exhaustion as you help these children to heal from some of their past trauma. You will shed tears as you see evidence of the pain they have been through. When a misunderstood statement about Stephen going on an airplane leaves them crying and thinking they are going back to Ethiopia. When they get so extremely happy at meal time and it makes you wonder how many meals they missed before coming home. When you look at the one picture you were given of their birth mom who was obviously crying, and you think about the awful reality that millions of children are left without parents to care for them because of disease and extreme poverty. Yes folks, there is still plenty of heartache when it comes to adoption even for the families whose child or children seem to be adjusting pretty well. It is costly. There are days that you will spend every ounce of energy you have and then some to meet your children's physical, emotional, and mental needs. There are days that you will want to cry from being so emotionally drained and yet so happy at the same time. You may literally question your sanity that you can feel so empty yet so full, so heartbroken yet so overjoyed, so confused yet so at peace. God is a good God. He is faithful to care for us as we make our way through this messy thing called life. That is what's so incredible about this adoption process for us. It has been such a picture of the Lord's faithfulness in our lives. I love that I can see him walking with us, hand in hand, each step of the way. He is the one doing this, not us, and that is a very reassuring thought! :)

While our family has had to deal with some health issues, which I'll talk about next, I think we've had it easier than many other families when it comes to the kids adjusting to their new life. I've heard so many stories about other families dealing with attachment issues, behavioral issues, eating and sleeping problems and so forth and sometimes I wonder why the boys aren't exhibiting some of these things too. While we're only a couple of months into it and new things can surface at any time, I honestly think that one of the reasons the boys seem to be doing so well here has to do with the care center that they were in. Like other adopted children, our boys have faced abandonment. They've missed meals. They've been without a mommy and daddy to hold them and play with them and teach them and feed them and tuck them into bed and say prayers at night. But I witnessed the level of care and attention that they received at their care center. I saw the bond that they had with their nanny. I watched as they played with her and she tickled them and made them laugh and kissed their cheeks. I listened as she would excitedly point to us and tell the boys, "Kiss mommy! Kiss daddy! Hug...Say... I love you!" I truly believe that one of the main reasons why our boys have bonded so well with us and have come into this new life full of excitement and happiness is because of the love and sense of security that this woman gave to our boys. For her to be there not only to love on them while they waited to come home, but for her to encourage them that it will be ok when they leave with us. That we will love them and be good to them. That they will be happy. I truly love this woman for what she has done for Jude and Liam. She was like a mother to them when they had none. Thank you, Lord, for putting this woman in their lives!

As I said, though, each adoptive family has a unique set of challenges to face. Our main one for sure has been health related. You see, a few weeks after bringing the boys home, Jude got pretty sick very suddenly. He had a fever and his face started swelling very quickly and significantly. My mind was racing. Let's see, we just brought him home from Africa so this could be... just about anything. I worried for his well-being and prayed that it wouldn't be anything very serious or damaging. After several days in the hospital and a tons and tons of testing, we were finally told that he had contracted the mumps a few days before we picked him up in Ethiopia. In some ways, we were relieved to hear this because the mumps is a relatively harmless virus that passes quickly. However, we were confused to find this out given that you actually contract the mumps 12-25 days before you show any symptoms so his doctor told us he had to have contracted it 2-3 days before we arrived in Ethiopia to pick them up. Remember, this is a child that remained within the walls of a little care center, and there have been no cases of mumps there. We were, however, notified that he received immunizations for all 5 years that he had missed the week before we picked him up. Why they would give a malnourished underweight child five years worth of vaccines at one time is beyond me. I was actually quite horrified to find that out, and even Jude's doctor said that he probably got the mumps from the vaccine. I'm just glad that it was the mumps and not one of the more serious diseases! Anyway, all that to say, because the mumps can take up to 25 days before manifesting symptoms, we've had to remain at home until more recently. The girls even missed the first couple of weeks of school because we needed to be sure that they hadn't gotten it before going to school. But PRAISE THE LORD we are back to normal now!! :)

So we're back to "normal" life as they call it, which is still far from normal. My daily routine includes not only all of the normal stuff for a family with young children, but also some things that are quite unique. Like snuggling on the couch with my two kids from Africa as I try to teach them new words in English. Like trying to explain for the 10th time why, yes, you are going to fall into the toilet if you try to sit on it without the seat down. Like trying to capture pictures of your 5-year-old and 3-year-old riding bikes for the first time, having a birthday party for the first time, or eating a pb&j sandwich for the first time. (They thought a pb&j sandwich was so strange and funny the first time I made it for them! haha)

Life is good. It's not normal, but I wouldn't change one tiny little thing about it. I still can't believe that God allowed us to adopt these two little boys. Like we really got to bring them home. They're really ours forever. We're two months into forever, and I've got to say, it feels pretty good! :)