Update on our adoption

We are continuing to work hard on completing the adoption process so that we can bring our boys home! Things have been moving so quickly, and I keep thinking that it will probably slow down soon. I think I feel this way because we were prepared for a really long journey, and we only officially started the process this past August! Also, there are so many variables in the adoption process that can affect things so we want to be prepared for any unexpected bumps in the road. I'm trying to not have any expectations since this is completely out of our control. :)

We completed our homestudy before the holidays, and sent off our dossier (official paperwork) overseas. It's currently being translated and then will arrive in Ethiopia. This is usually the point in the process where families wait 3-6 months to be matched with a child. Since we found the boys on a waiting list and already accepted their referral we get to skip this part! We talked with our adoption coordinator from our agency, and she told us last week that they are working hard on getting us our travel dates already! We should know our exact dates in about 6 weeks, and actually travel 3-4 weeks later!

In the past, adoptive parents only had to take one trip to Ethiopia for their court date and to bring their child(ren) home, but the law now requires two trips. The first one is for your court date, and then you have to go home and wait about 3-4 weeks before being able to get your child(ren). We were told that what this will most likely look like for us is that we will find out our travel dates the beginning of March, travel to Ethiopia for our court date the beginning of April, and bring the boys home the beginning of May. It could go faster or slower but it will most likely be close to these times.

Stephen and I have decided that we both should travel for both trips. At first we were thinking that only he would go on the first trip for the court date because only one parent is required to be there, and plane tickets to Ethiopia are extremely expensive. We also didn't think that we'd be able to see the boys on the first trip. But we just found out that if we aren't both there for the court date, we have to officially re-adopt them once they are in the states which takes time and money.

We also found out that we can see the boys on the first trip! I was under the impression that the boys were in an orphanage still, but they are actually in one of our agency's private care centers. So we could just extend our trip for a couple of days and spend some time with them after our court date. I am, of course, worried about how they will handle spending time with us for a few days, and then us leaving for 3-4 weeks before returning to bring them home. But I also think it might be really good for them to become a little more familiar with us before we bring them home. I'm also very relieved that they are in our agency's care center because they are probably receiving much better care and attention there than they would be in one of the Ethiopian orphanages.

Our agency is doing a great job of trying to help us prepare emotionally for meeting them. It's easy to have preconceived ideas of what it will be like, and how they will react to us. They have been very up-front and honest about how toddlers in particular usually react to meeting their adoptive parents. Older children have been waiting for a family long enough that they are excited to meet their new parents, and babies don't know the difference. But to toddlers, you are just strangers. Many of them are very scared at first, and it takes time for them to even feel comfortable enough for you to hold them. Obviously each child is different, but we want to be prepared to handle whatever their reaction to us is. Just like with any person, it takes time to build trust and to bond.

Please continue to pray for us as we move forward. We so badly want to finish this process and have our boys home! It's hard to think of them being in a care center without a family and wondering if anyone is showing them love and kindness. I can't wait until they are home. Until I get to tuck them in at night and say prayers. Until we get to make blueberry pancakes together for breakfast. Until I get to see them playing with their sisters. Until I get to show them how much they are truly loved. I know it's going to take time to adjust, but no matter how much work it takes, they are worth it. They are my children.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

It's a new year!

Wow, it's been such a busy season! It feels like the past couple of months were just a blur filled with holiday activities and parties and lots of traveling. Although I loved every minute of it, I am relieved to be settling into a normal routine again. :)

I love this time of year because I feel that it's such a great time to reflect on all that God has done in the previous year and look forward to seeing his faithfulness displayed in our lives in the coming year. Looking back, I can't help but want to praise God for all that he has done this past year! We've gone through so many changes over the past 12 months, but we've continued to be encouraged because we see God at work all around us! Here are a few of the things from this past year that I'm thankful for...

- For new friends that we've found here in Saint Louis. Before moving, one of the things that Stephen and I identified as crucial for us is being able to build deep and authentic relationships with others. We realized before moving that we are responsible for seeking out these meaningful relationships, and so we've been trying to be very purposeful in that. I think that because we were truly looking for it, and allowing others to really be in our lives, we were able to make some of these relationships. And I can definitely see how this has been a huge part in us being able to transition to our new lives in Saint Louis well!

- Our community group. We started leading a Bible study in our home this fall that has been so incredible for us. This definitely goes right along with the meaningful relationships that I just mentioned. There is something so refreshing about being open with others about what you're going through. To have a community where you are able to be vulnerable, and they can speak truth into your life is priceless. We are so thankful for these people!

-For our church! We are so blessed to be serving in a church that is seeking to make a difference in this city and beyond. I am thankful for the leadership of the Journey as they do the hard work of leading their people to follow Christ's example of laying down our lives for the spiritual and physical benefit of others. This church is excellent at challenging us to examine our choices and our motives and choose to live out what we say we believe. I am so thankful for this church!

- For our new home. We are so thankful to finally be settled in a home! Over the past year and a half we moved three times! From Houston to Austin, then Austin to Saint Louis, and then finally from our temporary housing here to our new home. This house has already been such a blessing for us, particularly the girls. They love their rooms and especially the backyard! :) As much as our family enjoys this home, though, we always want our doors to be open so that we might use this house to benefit others. We are so thankful to be in a home again!

- For our little boys that we are adopting. It was about a year ago that Stephen and I had decided to adopt from Ethiopia. Looking back, it has been such an adventure! People had warned us about how much hard work it would take, and boy they weren't kidding! But we've had such a peace about it throughout this whole process because we have seen God guiding us and providing for us each step of the way. It has been one of those things where we would come to the end of each deadline, and we'd have to pray and ask God to provide. He has been so faithful! We still have a ways to go, but we are so encouraged because we know without a doubt that God will see this through to completion. He is so good!

This coming year is going to continue to be full of changes and adjustments. We can't look into the future and see what it's going to look like, but we move forward with confidence and joy, knowing that God works all things together for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose. We hold loosely to our own plans, and ask that whatever this next year may look like, we just want God to use us to make a difference in this broken and hurting world. I really feel like the amount that we are willing to sacrifice is directly related with the amount of impact we will make. I think about people like Katie Davis. At the age of 19 she left behind her comfortable life and moved to Uganda. Now, at the age of 23, she has adopted 14 children, and helps feed over 1,000 people a day. She is such an amazing example that God can use us in significant ways if we allow him to! I attached a link to one of her blogs below that I thought was amazing.

As we begin this new year I'm reminded of a particular verse. This continues to be encouragement for me to persevere. This life is so short, and I want to make it count.

1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

We are not called to adopt

* I know that it is hard to get a feel for the "tone" of a blog, but I'd like to say starting out that this is meant to be a humble, gentle, yet honest blog about how I feel. :)

As I've shared about our adoption with various people there's one particular comment that has stood out to me the most when I hear it. It's the "You must be called to adopt" comment. People often respond to our story with a comment like "That's so great. Yeah, you definitely are called to adopt." I honestly disagree.

I have a bit of a problem with that statement for several reasons. Although I definitely love children and view them as truly a blessing in my life, Stephen hasn't always wanted to have more than a couple of children. In fact, several years ago as we talked about the possibility of having more children Stephen was quite skeptical about the idea. But over the period of a couple of years, God truly changed his heart on the matter. I contribute this change to a few things.

First of all, I prayed quite consistently that God would bring us to a place where we held the same view of children. I actually really prayed for God to give him a love for children. And as we moved forward in our ministry, we continued to ask God what it would look like for us to "act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8) We wanted this to not only be the motto of our ministry and band but also for our personal lives. We were seeking to truly be living what we were preaching.

So as we had more opportunities to not only work with organizations that were helping orphans and children in poverty but also first hand experiences seeing children in need, it broke both of our hearts for the more than 150 million orphans all over the world. When you see with your own eyes and you hold these children in your arms, you can't help but be changed. Truly, your perspective of what is really important and what you want your goals and dreams to be changes in this light. So I don't think that we are "called" to adopt anymore than the next Christian out there. But when I look at the extreme need that these millions of children have, and I read in the Bible that it says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) I can't help but think that the practical way to live out my faith in this area is to adopt an orphan. I'm not saying it's wrong if you don't adopt. That's truly not what I'm saying. Rather it's that Christians should be open to the possibility of adopting rather than placing the need of millions of orphans on a select few that are "called".

If only certain people were "called" to adopt, then that would mean that God has only called certain orphans to be adopted. Is it that only certain people are "called" to adopt or that only certain people are willing to adopt? I know that is a hard statement, and I am not judging people that don't adopt or aren't in a place that they are able to adopt, but how can we say that only certain people are called to adopt when God says in his word for Christians to look after the widows and orphans? The translation for "look after" does not mean send money to, but literally to take care of with your own hands. There are multiple ways to get involved in taking care of children in need, and certainly one of the most practical and needed ways is to adopt. So yes, I have a deep love for children, and I view them, as the Bible instructs me to, as a joy, a blessing, and a privilege. They are our future! Invest in children, and you are investing in our future. Want a better world? Invest in children.

That being said, I'm scared at times just like everyone else. The thought of going from two to four children overnight is intimidating at times. Stephen and I are not superhero parents that are immune to facing the same challenges as every other parent out there. But we look at God's command to take care of orphans and can't help but feel that it applies to us. We are not adopting because we are superhero parents that want to have "tons" of kids. And we're also not adopting begrudgingly simply because we were "told" to. We are adopting because our love for God has fueled a love for the things he loves. And I know he loves orphans, and calls his people to take care of them. He cares for each and every one of them. I cannot forget the faces of the children I've held in my arms. I can't forget what it felt like to have to put them down and walk away. God doesn't want us to forget.

Our Boys

Wow! So much has happened since my last blog about our adoption!

We have excitedly and prayerfully been working to finish our homestudy. Usually a family has to complete their homestudy and submit their paperwork (dossier) overseas, and then they wait to be matched with a child that is in the age range/sex that they prefer. Our process has been very different for us.

For several months now, Stephen and I have been talking and praying about adopting two siblings instead of one. We have several reasons for this. First, we know that we want to have at least two more children, likely more. Also, we know that if we were to adopt one child now, we would want to adopt one more at a later time. We also feel (and have learned in our training courses) that adopting two siblings makes it much easier for each of the children to adjust to a new home than if they just came by themselves. And lastly, adopting two at the same time is only slightly higher in expenses whereas if we adopted two children one at a time the cost would be almost double. So we've been moving forward, praying about this possibility for our family.

Our adoption agency sends out newsletters every month or so with updates and also pictures of some of the children waiting to be adopted. Usually the pictures are of children that are either special needs or that are "hard to place" meaning that they are either older children or sibling groups since most people don't want to adopt these types of children.

For the past two newsletters, Stephen and I have seen a picture of two little brothers, ages 2 and 4 years old. They immediately jumped out at me when I saw them, but since all of these children are so precious I didn't really talk to Stephen about it. Then I saw them again in the most recent newsletter, and I showed Stephen. He looked at the picture, was quiet for a minute, and then said, "Okay, let's ask about these boys."

We wrote to our agency, thinking that they would say we weren't allowed to get any info on them until we completed our homestudy, which we were only half-way through at that time. To our surprise, they wrote back saying they would love to tell us more about them! Within an hour, we had the complete file on them with all of the info they had for them, and about 8 pictures. I cried as I read their story about how they ended up in the orphanage, and as I looked at the pictures of them. They are so precious.

Stephen and I prayed about it and decided that if we were able to adopt them, we would. We asked our agency what steps we needed to take in order to have an official referral (where they match you with a child or children). Again, to our surprise, they said that we could go ahead and accept their referral since they were on the "waiting list". They were on there because even though they are completely healthy, they aren't babies. Also, the agency wants them to be adopted together which makes it harder for them to find a family. Stephen and I were SO THRILLED to hear that we get to adopt them!

Our latest exciting news came this week when we were told that we are able to send them Christmas gifts and pictures of us so that they can begin to become familiar with us. They are going to be notified in the next week or two that they are being adopted. I can not wait until the day that we get to bring these precious boys home! Right now, our agency is estimating spring of next year, but it could be sooner.

Here are a couple of reasons that we have made the decisions that we did.

- We purposely chose to adopt boys because more people adopt girls than boys and there is a huge need for boys to be adopted in many countries, including Ethiopia.

- We chose the toddler/preschool age because more people want little babies than "older" children.

- And we chose a sibling group because most people only want one child, making it difficult for siblings to stay together.

This was the right choice for our family. Please continue to join us in praying for our little boys while we wait to bring them home and for our family as we continue to work through this difficult process. We also still have an overwhelming amount of expenses so if you would like to help, please see Stephen's website at www.stephen-miller.com.

Thanks guys!

Kinsey

My little girl is turning 7 years old in less than a week! I can't believe she's gotten so big already! It really does seem like time goes by extra fast when it comes to children.

Kinsey has been such a joy in our lives. She's such a thoughtful, caring, sensitive little girl. Even this past week while Stephen was in Haiti I could tell that she was trying to be extra sweet because she knew I missed him. Each night we would snuggle in bed and read a little bit of her favorite chapter book together. She even offered to give me a massage! :)

I'm more amazed each day at how bright she is! She loves to read, and lately has been writing her own books. Her latest one is about how she loves God. :) She also has been teaching Keira how to write. So much so that Keira can now write pretty much anything she wants. (with a little help for spelling) I think that's a pretty big accomplishment for an almost 7-year-old and a 4-year-old. She's such a good big sister!

Each night when we put her to bed Kinsey likes to help say prayers. She's so sincere when she prays, and many times I almost cry just hearing her. The one thing that she always includes is that she asks for Jesus to take care of "our baby brother" while he is still in Ethiopia. She makes sure to ask for him to have enough food to eat and a warm bed to sleep and that we would be able to bring him home soon. I think she is just as excited as Stephen and I about bringing our little boy home!

Kinsey is living proof that children are such a blessing, no matter how or when the come to us! We were so young when she was born, being only 18 and 20 years old. But regardless, she was not an accident! We definitely didn't plan to have kids that young, but God planned her. :) It was God's grace that he chose to give her to us. I am so thankful that this is the life God gave us. I wouldn't change a thing! :)

Happy Birthday Kinsey! Mommy and Daddy love you more than we can even say!

Self Worth

If there's one area of my life that I've grown the most in the past few years I think it probably has to be self-esteem. And the more women I meet, the more I see that I'm not the only one that either struggles with or has struggled in the past with low self-esteem. I've been pondering the significance of this issue lately and why it really is so important to address it.

The first and most obvious reason to me that low self-esteem is so damaging is that it literally affects everything that we do. It determines which opportunities we take and which ones we don't. And just as important as what we do, it drives our motives of why we are doing it. I'm sure many of us have learned from experience that doing the right thing for the wrong reason can be just as devastating as simply doing the wrong thing.

What I've seen in my life and from the stories of other women is that so often we make choices that we probably wouldn't have otherwise made in order to gain some sort of self-worth. We literally choose to do the things we do in order to feel better about ourselves... to gain self-worth. The problem is that when we make decisions in order to gain self-worth it is only a matter of time before that thing either lets us down or fizzles out. This is particularly damaging in ministry when we serve in order to feel better about ourselves. It's only a matter of time before we get burned out.

There are so many things that we, especially women, try to find our worth in. The obvious things are our jobs, our income, our possessions, our families, even our husbands. I love what our pastor's wife said last week regarding marriage. She said, "Ladies, your husband can't be God for you." What an incredibly true statement! Yet when we struggle with low self-esteem we are so often tempted to find our worth in the things we have or the people we love.

Why is it so important to deal with low self-esteem, though? Well, the obvious reason is that when we have a healthy God-centered view of ourselves we'll experience a lot more joy. When we're plagued with self-doubt we struggle to have joy and therefore peace as well.

One of the biggest signs, in my opinion, that a person has low self-esteem is jealousy. When you struggle to find your own self worth you are easily threatened by others that appear to have more joy than you. And they might be more attractive or have better circumstances or a better job or a nicer spouse or more well-behaved kids. This can be really devastating because if we don't address this issue then we can either become bitter towards others or we put on a front and try to fool people into thinking that we've got everything together. And who are we fooling? There's not a lot that is more obvious to others than when a person is bitter and trying to hide it. It comes out in everything they do and say.

So how do we deal with this issue of low self-esteem? The only way to truly gain a healthy view of yourself is by understanding the worth God has placed on you. It's not because you are so good or so smart or funny or good-looking or such a hard worker. And God sees all of our faults, our darkest moments, our selfish motives, and it doesn't affect his love for us. What amazing grace! God has uniquely designed and gifted each of us exactly the way we are suppose to be. And he did so for a purpose. When we find our worth in Christ, we find our purpose too!

A few years ago I was really struggling in this area. I knew God loved me, but I still felt like I needed to earn his love by making the right choices. That, perhaps, God would be really disappointed in me, maybe even love me less, if I didn't get everything perfect. I knew in my mind that it wasn't true, but I was going through life as though it was. I had it backwards. Instead of finding my worth in Christ which would lead me to a purpose for my life, I was trying to find my purpose and draw my worth out of that. My husband was such a blessing at that time to help me address those issues. Thank goodness he didn't just ignore the fact that I was hurting, but instead helped me to find healing. I can't tell you how much peace comes from finding my worth in God. The peace of knowing that nothing can separate me from the love of God! (Romans 8:35-39) And that there is more than enough grace for me. This is why we are able to experience true joy!

Romans 5:1-2

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Why Ethiopia?

A few days ago Stephen and I received our official letter of approval from our adoption agency, International Adoption Guides (IAG). We had been waiting for almost a month and a half after turning in the application to hear back from them that we had been approved. I actually haven't written any blogs about our adoption process so far because I wanted to get that approval back first. Not that I thought we wouldn't be approved, but just because I wanted it to be official before sharing everything I'm feeling with everyone.

When we opened the packet (a very thick one at that) we just stared at it for a minute, thinking about what it meant for us as a family. I can't believe it's finally happening! As Stephen put it, it feels like we've just taken a pregnancy test. :)

IAG sent us an official letter telling us what we should expect next as well as a very thick packet that's really more like a big contract that you have to initial every page and read thoroughly. We were so excited that we read the entire thing immediately, and it took several hours. We're already aware at how overwhelming this process is going to feel at times, but we are trusting God that He will guide us through this entire process. After all, if it was God that lead us to adopt then certainly He will see us through the process.

Our next step is to send in the "contract" as well as their agency fee of $4,500. This is the entire amount that IAG charges us. Some may think "Wow, why do they charge that much?" Our agency will be coordinating everything throughout the entire process from the mountains of legal paperwork, translation of the paperwork before sending it overseas to the Ethiopian government, our referral (finding us a child that matches our profile) and all of the travel and court details while we are in Ethiopia to bring our child home. It's quite extensive and usually takes a minimum of a year from start to finish so when when you think about all of the different factors, $4,500 isn't all that much to do all of that work.

We already love the people at IAG. Some of our friends that have adopted a couple of times highly recommended Jim Harding (the head of our agency), and our adoption Coordinator, Susan, has been so encouraging and attentive. It really helps to have people that will be there every step of the way!

We have currently raised $3500 of the $4500 that we need for the first payment (which goes to our agency). We have one month to raise the other $1000 and send it in with the contract. If we take longer than this to make the payment then our adoption is put on hold until we get the money. Then the next step is the homestudy which thankfully only costs $1500. We have to choose a homestudy agency (IAG has recommended a good one in our area) and they will do an in-depth 3 month evaluation of our home/health/finances/criminal backgrounds check/fingerprinting etc. that we have to submit to the Ethiopian government so that they will allow us to adopt from their country.

Again, some have said "Why doesn't the government make it easier to adopt from their country?" The current Ethiopian government really is a good government that has been striving to make Ethiopia more stable and healthy for years now. Unfortunately, because of sheer poverty and aids, the orphan crisis continues to grow at an alarming rate. All of the procedures that the government puts into place (from requiring the in-depth home-study to asking for yearly follow-up reports that show the well-being of the children after they are adopted) show that they really do care about their children. What if these procedures weren't in place? Then anyone could adopt regardless of if you have a violent criminal background or you're a sex offender or you have a life-threatening disease. These are put in place to protect the children. And the largest payment that we have is for the referral of a child. ($9000 if the child is under 3 yrs, $6000 if older than 3 yrs) This money goes back into the orphanages that they are struggling to even have enough of. Right now there are roughly 5 MILLION orphans in Ethiopia. In 2006, only 732 were adopted from the US.

So we move forward, prayerfully and optimistic that although we are at the beginning of a long and difficult process, the Lord will be faithful to guide us and provide for us every step of the way. I know when we hold our little boy in our arms for the first time that it will be completely worth it. That when I see my little girls hug him and kiss him and call him brother it won't even matter what we had to go through to bring him home. It's such a beautiful picture of how God adopted us as His own children. That when we were dead in our sins and enemies of God, He came and died for us to make us His own. He didn't have to but He wanted to.

Please pray for us throughout this adoption. Also, we are selling coffee to help with some of these initial costs so if you haven't gotten any, would you consider buying a bag? Stephen and I are also about to start recording a cd called Adoption Art that will be available later this year or early next year. We so appreciate your prayers and support! Thank you so much!