Keira

My baby girl is about to turn 5 years old in a week! She is such a joy in our lives. I love her big personality, and how passionate she is about anything and everything. :) She's one big ball of energy! She's strong-willed which can be hard when say, I'm trying to dress her in something she doesn't like (The other day I made her wear a dress she didn't like to church and she said dramatically "Everyone will hate me for wearing this!") But I see the strengths of her strong-willed nature already playing out as well. She's not afraid to stand up for a kid that's being picked on at the playground which I witnessed the other day. Fear does not keep her from doing anything she sets her mind to. And though she is outgoing and energetic, we've recently realized that she does really well with a little bit of quiet alone time too. That's definitely how I naturally recharge, but I didn't see it until more recently that she is the same way. And my goodness, she says some of the most hilarious things! We always find ourselves laughing from her statements. She's a pretty witty kid. :)

I love watching her growing excitement about her brothers. She's said some pretty cool statements lately. The other day at dinner we were all talking about how we are going to sometimes eat Ethiopian food for dinner now. She said she likes the Injera (flat bread) and the chicken and eggs, but when it came to lentils she said the following. "Well, I don't think I like that food very much, but I SURE do love my brothers!" (Or as she says it, brudders) :)

Last week we were at Wal-mart picking up a few painting supplies and all of the sudden she exclaimed at the top of her lungs "Look mommy!! That person has brown skin just like my brothers!!!" And before we left the store we browsed the toy section so that I could get an idea of what Keira would like for her upcoming birthday. She found several things that she really liked, but as we started to walk away she said, "I think I want a barbie with brown skin cause I want it to look like my brothers."

My little Keira bear is such a precious gift to us. She truly brings so much joy to our lives, and I feel so blessed to be her mommy!

She just walked up to me, leaned her head on my shoulder, burped really loud, and then said very matter-of-factly, "Well, you did that." Ha! Yep, that's my Keira. :)

My surgery

So my blogging has been put on hold for a little while mainly due to the fact that I ended up having back surgery. It's funny that there is so much going on and so much that I want to share, but often in those times I find I don't have the time to actually write it down. :)

As I shared in my last post, I had corrective scoliosis surgery when I was a teenager. Everything had been fine, but over the past couple of years I've noticed my back pain coming back more and more frequently until it seemed I was always in pain. So I had an appointment, and my doctor realized that it was the metal rods that they had placed along my spine during the last surgery that was causing the pain. They were no longer needed to be in since their purpose is simply to keep my spine straight while that section of bone fuses which only takes a year or so.

All that to say, we decided to go ahead very quickly and have surgery to take out the rods. It certainly wasn't something that I would want to deal with after bringing our boys home from Ethiopia soon. Everything these past few weeks have seemed like a whirlwind, but God has been so gracious to give us peace during all of it.

One funny little side note. As I was getting prepped in the surgery room I started to become a little nervous with thoughts of what if something went wrong. I prayed for God to give me courage and to trust him to take care of me. And then my anesthesiologist came into the room and started talking to me in a very heavy Russian accent. Guys, if you know me, you know that one of my favorite movies in the whole world is the cartoon Despicable Me where the Russian villan ends up adopting three little girls. My friends can testify that the only accent I can actually do is a Russian accent, so we get a lot of laughs from it. So I think I literally dozed off from the anesthesia with a smile on my face. haha

My family and I have received an overwhelming amount of support from friends, and we are so thankful for all of the meals and babysitting that has been provided for us while I recover. I'm almost back to normal now, which I thank God for because I have two little girls to take care of and a trip to Ethiopia for the court date for our boys in a week and a half now! And that will be in my next post. :)

Suffering

I'm going to tell you a story that I don't often share, partly because it didn't make much sense to me until more recent years.

When I was a little girl I was diagnosed with Scoliosis. It was a mild case for quite a few years, but as I entered my teenage years it worsened to the point that I needed to wear a back brace at night to try to help correct the curve. Wearing a brace at night will stop scoliosis from becoming worse about 80% of the time. It will make it better about 10% of the time, and the other 10% of the time it will continue to get worse despite the brace. I was one of those cases where my back continued to worsen and about the time I was 16 it became so bad that my doctor was suggesting surgery in order to correct it as much as possible. My spine had a "S" shaped curve which helped in a sense because my back was still pretty balanced, and it didn't interfere with my ability to play sports or run track, but because it was worsening so quickly at the end, my doctors said it would eventually affect my organs if I never had surgery.

As a child I would lay in bed at night crying and praying, "God I know you can heal me! I believe you can. Please, oh please make me better!" I was begging God for a miracle, and in his goodness he gave me one. However, it didn't come in the form that I, in my childish mind, expected.

I went on to have surgery, and it was more effective that even the doctors anticipated. My spine was almost completely straight. But even after the surgery I continued to wonder why God didn't just heal me himself. Why did I have to go through all that hardship and pain? I had pleaded with God for a miracle. Why didn't he give me one?

As an adult I've come to realize that there is a reason why many times God does not miraculously heal people. I struggled with the answer to this problem for many years. But the truth is that it might be an even bigger miracle how God changes a person's heart through the suffering he continues to allow. Healing a person's body, yes that's a miracle. But changing a person's heart? That's truly something only God can do.

If I never had to deal with this issue from an early age, if God had just miraculously taken it all away from the beginning, I know that I would be a completely different person today. It set me on a different path. It has taught me a deeper level of compassion that I would not know otherwise. It has taught me to value other people that are sick, hurting, or living in poverty. It has taught me of the deep love that God has for me. That he loves me enough to lovingly and gently say no when I want something so badly in order to make me more like him. It has taught, and continues to teach me, to trust God in all circumstances.

Suffering is actually a blessing in disguise because it causes us to look upward for God to meet our needs and outward, to sympathize with others, which in turn starts to melt away some of the self-centeredness that is in all of us. I can look back and see how all of the hard things in life so far have been a blessing and have served to shape me and grow me more into the person I want to be... the person God wants me to be. This is how God teaches us and how we ultimately grow and mature. It's a process that will continue as long as we live.

Why does it shock us when God places us in difficult circumstances? So often we think that something is wrong, but I'm convinced that if we want to grow we have to embrace our suffering and look to learn from it instead of trying to run from it. It doesn't mean we don't get treatment from an illness or counseling during a hard time or anything like that. But it does mean that when suffering comes into our lives we should stop dwelling on the question, "How do I make it stop?" and start asking, "Lord, what do you want to teach me through this?" When we look at our troubles in this light, it makes a lot more sense when the Bible tells us to do things such as to rejoice in our suffering. We rejoice in our suffering because it is making us more like Christ!

Romans 5:3-5 "We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Update on our adoption

We are continuing to work hard on completing the adoption process so that we can bring our boys home! Things have been moving so quickly, and I keep thinking that it will probably slow down soon. I think I feel this way because we were prepared for a really long journey, and we only officially started the process this past August! Also, there are so many variables in the adoption process that can affect things so we want to be prepared for any unexpected bumps in the road. I'm trying to not have any expectations since this is completely out of our control. :)

We completed our homestudy before the holidays, and sent off our dossier (official paperwork) overseas. It's currently being translated and then will arrive in Ethiopia. This is usually the point in the process where families wait 3-6 months to be matched with a child. Since we found the boys on a waiting list and already accepted their referral we get to skip this part! We talked with our adoption coordinator from our agency, and she told us last week that they are working hard on getting us our travel dates already! We should know our exact dates in about 6 weeks, and actually travel 3-4 weeks later!

In the past, adoptive parents only had to take one trip to Ethiopia for their court date and to bring their child(ren) home, but the law now requires two trips. The first one is for your court date, and then you have to go home and wait about 3-4 weeks before being able to get your child(ren). We were told that what this will most likely look like for us is that we will find out our travel dates the beginning of March, travel to Ethiopia for our court date the beginning of April, and bring the boys home the beginning of May. It could go faster or slower but it will most likely be close to these times.

Stephen and I have decided that we both should travel for both trips. At first we were thinking that only he would go on the first trip for the court date because only one parent is required to be there, and plane tickets to Ethiopia are extremely expensive. We also didn't think that we'd be able to see the boys on the first trip. But we just found out that if we aren't both there for the court date, we have to officially re-adopt them once they are in the states which takes time and money.

We also found out that we can see the boys on the first trip! I was under the impression that the boys were in an orphanage still, but they are actually in one of our agency's private care centers. So we could just extend our trip for a couple of days and spend some time with them after our court date. I am, of course, worried about how they will handle spending time with us for a few days, and then us leaving for 3-4 weeks before returning to bring them home. But I also think it might be really good for them to become a little more familiar with us before we bring them home. I'm also very relieved that they are in our agency's care center because they are probably receiving much better care and attention there than they would be in one of the Ethiopian orphanages.

Our agency is doing a great job of trying to help us prepare emotionally for meeting them. It's easy to have preconceived ideas of what it will be like, and how they will react to us. They have been very up-front and honest about how toddlers in particular usually react to meeting their adoptive parents. Older children have been waiting for a family long enough that they are excited to meet their new parents, and babies don't know the difference. But to toddlers, you are just strangers. Many of them are very scared at first, and it takes time for them to even feel comfortable enough for you to hold them. Obviously each child is different, but we want to be prepared to handle whatever their reaction to us is. Just like with any person, it takes time to build trust and to bond.

Please continue to pray for us as we move forward. We so badly want to finish this process and have our boys home! It's hard to think of them being in a care center without a family and wondering if anyone is showing them love and kindness. I can't wait until they are home. Until I get to tuck them in at night and say prayers. Until we get to make blueberry pancakes together for breakfast. Until I get to see them playing with their sisters. Until I get to show them how much they are truly loved. I know it's going to take time to adjust, but no matter how much work it takes, they are worth it. They are my children.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

It's a new year!

Wow, it's been such a busy season! It feels like the past couple of months were just a blur filled with holiday activities and parties and lots of traveling. Although I loved every minute of it, I am relieved to be settling into a normal routine again. :)

I love this time of year because I feel that it's such a great time to reflect on all that God has done in the previous year and look forward to seeing his faithfulness displayed in our lives in the coming year. Looking back, I can't help but want to praise God for all that he has done this past year! We've gone through so many changes over the past 12 months, but we've continued to be encouraged because we see God at work all around us! Here are a few of the things from this past year that I'm thankful for...

- For new friends that we've found here in Saint Louis. Before moving, one of the things that Stephen and I identified as crucial for us is being able to build deep and authentic relationships with others. We realized before moving that we are responsible for seeking out these meaningful relationships, and so we've been trying to be very purposeful in that. I think that because we were truly looking for it, and allowing others to really be in our lives, we were able to make some of these relationships. And I can definitely see how this has been a huge part in us being able to transition to our new lives in Saint Louis well!

- Our community group. We started leading a Bible study in our home this fall that has been so incredible for us. This definitely goes right along with the meaningful relationships that I just mentioned. There is something so refreshing about being open with others about what you're going through. To have a community where you are able to be vulnerable, and they can speak truth into your life is priceless. We are so thankful for these people!

-For our church! We are so blessed to be serving in a church that is seeking to make a difference in this city and beyond. I am thankful for the leadership of the Journey as they do the hard work of leading their people to follow Christ's example of laying down our lives for the spiritual and physical benefit of others. This church is excellent at challenging us to examine our choices and our motives and choose to live out what we say we believe. I am so thankful for this church!

- For our new home. We are so thankful to finally be settled in a home! Over the past year and a half we moved three times! From Houston to Austin, then Austin to Saint Louis, and then finally from our temporary housing here to our new home. This house has already been such a blessing for us, particularly the girls. They love their rooms and especially the backyard! :) As much as our family enjoys this home, though, we always want our doors to be open so that we might use this house to benefit others. We are so thankful to be in a home again!

- For our little boys that we are adopting. It was about a year ago that Stephen and I had decided to adopt from Ethiopia. Looking back, it has been such an adventure! People had warned us about how much hard work it would take, and boy they weren't kidding! But we've had such a peace about it throughout this whole process because we have seen God guiding us and providing for us each step of the way. It has been one of those things where we would come to the end of each deadline, and we'd have to pray and ask God to provide. He has been so faithful! We still have a ways to go, but we are so encouraged because we know without a doubt that God will see this through to completion. He is so good!

This coming year is going to continue to be full of changes and adjustments. We can't look into the future and see what it's going to look like, but we move forward with confidence and joy, knowing that God works all things together for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose. We hold loosely to our own plans, and ask that whatever this next year may look like, we just want God to use us to make a difference in this broken and hurting world. I really feel like the amount that we are willing to sacrifice is directly related with the amount of impact we will make. I think about people like Katie Davis. At the age of 19 she left behind her comfortable life and moved to Uganda. Now, at the age of 23, she has adopted 14 children, and helps feed over 1,000 people a day. She is such an amazing example that God can use us in significant ways if we allow him to! I attached a link to one of her blogs below that I thought was amazing.

As we begin this new year I'm reminded of a particular verse. This continues to be encouragement for me to persevere. This life is so short, and I want to make it count.

1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

We are not called to adopt

* I know that it is hard to get a feel for the "tone" of a blog, but I'd like to say starting out that this is meant to be a humble, gentle, yet honest blog about how I feel. :)

As I've shared about our adoption with various people there's one particular comment that has stood out to me the most when I hear it. It's the "You must be called to adopt" comment. People often respond to our story with a comment like "That's so great. Yeah, you definitely are called to adopt." I honestly disagree.

I have a bit of a problem with that statement for several reasons. Although I definitely love children and view them as truly a blessing in my life, Stephen hasn't always wanted to have more than a couple of children. In fact, several years ago as we talked about the possibility of having more children Stephen was quite skeptical about the idea. But over the period of a couple of years, God truly changed his heart on the matter. I contribute this change to a few things.

First of all, I prayed quite consistently that God would bring us to a place where we held the same view of children. I actually really prayed for God to give him a love for children. And as we moved forward in our ministry, we continued to ask God what it would look like for us to "act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8) We wanted this to not only be the motto of our ministry and band but also for our personal lives. We were seeking to truly be living what we were preaching.

So as we had more opportunities to not only work with organizations that were helping orphans and children in poverty but also first hand experiences seeing children in need, it broke both of our hearts for the more than 150 million orphans all over the world. When you see with your own eyes and you hold these children in your arms, you can't help but be changed. Truly, your perspective of what is really important and what you want your goals and dreams to be changes in this light. So I don't think that we are "called" to adopt anymore than the next Christian out there. But when I look at the extreme need that these millions of children have, and I read in the Bible that it says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) I can't help but think that the practical way to live out my faith in this area is to adopt an orphan. I'm not saying it's wrong if you don't adopt. That's truly not what I'm saying. Rather it's that Christians should be open to the possibility of adopting rather than placing the need of millions of orphans on a select few that are "called".

If only certain people were "called" to adopt, then that would mean that God has only called certain orphans to be adopted. Is it that only certain people are "called" to adopt or that only certain people are willing to adopt? I know that is a hard statement, and I am not judging people that don't adopt or aren't in a place that they are able to adopt, but how can we say that only certain people are called to adopt when God says in his word for Christians to look after the widows and orphans? The translation for "look after" does not mean send money to, but literally to take care of with your own hands. There are multiple ways to get involved in taking care of children in need, and certainly one of the most practical and needed ways is to adopt. So yes, I have a deep love for children, and I view them, as the Bible instructs me to, as a joy, a blessing, and a privilege. They are our future! Invest in children, and you are investing in our future. Want a better world? Invest in children.

That being said, I'm scared at times just like everyone else. The thought of going from two to four children overnight is intimidating at times. Stephen and I are not superhero parents that are immune to facing the same challenges as every other parent out there. But we look at God's command to take care of orphans and can't help but feel that it applies to us. We are not adopting because we are superhero parents that want to have "tons" of kids. And we're also not adopting begrudgingly simply because we were "told" to. We are adopting because our love for God has fueled a love for the things he loves. And I know he loves orphans, and calls his people to take care of them. He cares for each and every one of them. I cannot forget the faces of the children I've held in my arms. I can't forget what it felt like to have to put them down and walk away. God doesn't want us to forget.

Our Boys

Wow! So much has happened since my last blog about our adoption!

We have excitedly and prayerfully been working to finish our homestudy. Usually a family has to complete their homestudy and submit their paperwork (dossier) overseas, and then they wait to be matched with a child that is in the age range/sex that they prefer. Our process has been very different for us.

For several months now, Stephen and I have been talking and praying about adopting two siblings instead of one. We have several reasons for this. First, we know that we want to have at least two more children, likely more. Also, we know that if we were to adopt one child now, we would want to adopt one more at a later time. We also feel (and have learned in our training courses) that adopting two siblings makes it much easier for each of the children to adjust to a new home than if they just came by themselves. And lastly, adopting two at the same time is only slightly higher in expenses whereas if we adopted two children one at a time the cost would be almost double. So we've been moving forward, praying about this possibility for our family.

Our adoption agency sends out newsletters every month or so with updates and also pictures of some of the children waiting to be adopted. Usually the pictures are of children that are either special needs or that are "hard to place" meaning that they are either older children or sibling groups since most people don't want to adopt these types of children.

For the past two newsletters, Stephen and I have seen a picture of two little brothers, ages 2 and 4 years old. They immediately jumped out at me when I saw them, but since all of these children are so precious I didn't really talk to Stephen about it. Then I saw them again in the most recent newsletter, and I showed Stephen. He looked at the picture, was quiet for a minute, and then said, "Okay, let's ask about these boys."

We wrote to our agency, thinking that they would say we weren't allowed to get any info on them until we completed our homestudy, which we were only half-way through at that time. To our surprise, they wrote back saying they would love to tell us more about them! Within an hour, we had the complete file on them with all of the info they had for them, and about 8 pictures. I cried as I read their story about how they ended up in the orphanage, and as I looked at the pictures of them. They are so precious.

Stephen and I prayed about it and decided that if we were able to adopt them, we would. We asked our agency what steps we needed to take in order to have an official referral (where they match you with a child or children). Again, to our surprise, they said that we could go ahead and accept their referral since they were on the "waiting list". They were on there because even though they are completely healthy, they aren't babies. Also, the agency wants them to be adopted together which makes it harder for them to find a family. Stephen and I were SO THRILLED to hear that we get to adopt them!

Our latest exciting news came this week when we were told that we are able to send them Christmas gifts and pictures of us so that they can begin to become familiar with us. They are going to be notified in the next week or two that they are being adopted. I can not wait until the day that we get to bring these precious boys home! Right now, our agency is estimating spring of next year, but it could be sooner.

Here are a couple of reasons that we have made the decisions that we did.

- We purposely chose to adopt boys because more people adopt girls than boys and there is a huge need for boys to be adopted in many countries, including Ethiopia.

- We chose the toddler/preschool age because more people want little babies than "older" children.

- And we chose a sibling group because most people only want one child, making it difficult for siblings to stay together.

This was the right choice for our family. Please continue to join us in praying for our little boys while we wait to bring them home and for our family as we continue to work through this difficult process. We also still have an overwhelming amount of expenses so if you would like to help, please see Stephen's website at www.stephen-miller.com.

Thanks guys!