If there's one area of my life that I've grown the most in the past few years I think it probably has to be self-esteem. And the more women I meet, the more I see that I'm not the only one that either struggles with or has struggled in the past with low self-esteem. I've been pondering the significance of this issue lately and why it really is so important to address it.
The first and most obvious reason to me that low self-esteem is so damaging is that it literally affects everything that we do. It determines which opportunities we take and which ones we don't. And just as important as what we do, it drives our motives of why we are doing it. I'm sure many of us have learned from experience that doing the right thing for the wrong reason can be just as devastating as simply doing the wrong thing.
What I've seen in my life and from the stories of other women is that so often we make choices that we probably wouldn't have otherwise made in order to gain some sort of self-worth. We literally choose to do the things we do in order to feel better about ourselves... to gain self-worth. The problem is that when we make decisions in order to gain self-worth it is only a matter of time before that thing either lets us down or fizzles out. This is particularly damaging in ministry when we serve in order to feel better about ourselves. It's only a matter of time before we get burned out.
There are so many things that we, especially women, try to find our worth in. The obvious things are our jobs, our income, our possessions, our families, even our husbands. I love what our pastor's wife said last week regarding marriage. She said, "Ladies, your husband can't be God for you." What an incredibly true statement! Yet when we struggle with low self-esteem we are so often tempted to find our worth in the things we have or the people we love.
Why is it so important to deal with low self-esteem, though? Well, the obvious reason is that when we have a healthy God-centered view of ourselves we'll experience a lot more joy. When we're plagued with self-doubt we struggle to have joy and therefore peace as well.
One of the biggest signs, in my opinion, that a person has low self-esteem is jealousy. When you struggle to find your own self worth you are easily threatened by others that appear to have more joy than you. And they might be more attractive or have better circumstances or a better job or a nicer spouse or more well-behaved kids. This can be really devastating because if we don't address this issue then we can either become bitter towards others or we put on a front and try to fool people into thinking that we've got everything together. And who are we fooling? There's not a lot that is more obvious to others than when a person is bitter and trying to hide it. It comes out in everything they do and say.
So how do we deal with this issue of low self-esteem? The only way to truly gain a healthy view of yourself is by understanding the worth God has placed on you. It's not because you are so good or so smart or funny or good-looking or such a hard worker. And God sees all of our faults, our darkest moments, our selfish motives, and it doesn't affect his love for us. What amazing grace! God has uniquely designed and gifted each of us exactly the way we are suppose to be. And he did so for a purpose. When we find our worth in Christ, we find our purpose too!
A few years ago I was really struggling in this area. I knew God loved me, but I still felt like I needed to earn his love by making the right choices. That, perhaps, God would be really disappointed in me, maybe even love me less, if I didn't get everything perfect. I knew in my mind that it wasn't true, but I was going through life as though it was. I had it backwards. Instead of finding my worth in Christ which would lead me to a purpose for my life, I was trying to find my purpose and draw my worth out of that. My husband was such a blessing at that time to help me address those issues. Thank goodness he didn't just ignore the fact that I was hurting, but instead helped me to find healing. I can't tell you how much peace comes from finding my worth in God. The peace of knowing that nothing can separate me from the love of God! (Romans 8:35-39) And that there is more than enough grace for me. This is why we are able to experience true joy!
Romans 5:1-2
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."
