The other day I stood in my kitchen literally in tears. It wasn't because I was upset. Quite the contrary, I have been utterly in awe of what God has done this year... in my life, in my marriage, in my family.
We recently attended our church's staff Christmas party. It's always tons of fun and something that we look forward to each year. However, this year's party also brought with it a deep realization of God's kindness to me. You see, last year's party happened to fall on the weekend that I would have been due to have our baby that we lost. We went to the party, but I have to say that I was miserable the whole time. We didn't stay long because I was on the verge of tears the whole night. It had been months since I had miscarried our baby but I was still in so much pain. I would go on to find out I was pregnant a couple weeks later while in the hospital for some strange stomach/throat pain (Again we were overjoyed!) but I miscarried again a couple days later while celebrating Christmas with my family in Austin.
All that to say, between the brokenness from miscarriages and health issues and other pain from strained relationships, we ended last year thanking the Lord for his goodness despite our circumstances but begging him to bring healing and restoration in our lives in the coming year.
And wow! This year we've seen the Lord...
-Direct us to a holistic doctor that pinpointed the cause of several of my long-term health issues that baffled all other doctors and hospitals.
- Restore a friendship that is very dear to us
- Bring closure and healing with our church from past things
- Bless us with our precious little boy, Ethan Brenton Miller
I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for all that God has done this year. He knew our pain and saw our brokenness and brought us the healing that we so needed. I am in awe of his goodness to me!
I do want to say that Stephen and I very much wanted to have another child, but even if the Lord had not seen fit to give us another baby biologically, his faithfulness would not have been any less. We've experienced the joys of both having a baby biologically and the joys of having children through adoption and though the methods look different on the outside, the blessing is the same. In fact, we hope to one day adopt again when the time is right. Surely there is room in our big crazy family for one more, right? :)
If there is anything that I can share from all of this, it is that God is SO good! Whether in those seasons of difficulty or in the times of restoration, HE IS GOOD!
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
My Bigdaddy
We called him Bigdaddy. Standing tall at 6 ft 6 in, it wasn't surprising to know that he had been in the military or that he had been the Athletic Director for Houston Baptist University. Despite his size, he was one of the most approachable gentle kind of men there was, especially to his little granddaughters.
I remember being very young and making popsicles with him out of pineapple orange juice. I remember him pushing me on the tire swing while singing his own made-up songs with silly lyrics that would make me and my sisters laugh. When we were little and seated on his knee (and more recently for our own kiddos, his great-grandkids) he loved to make this goofy duck quacking noise meant to make us giggle that was half hilarious, half frightening. My sisters and I still laugh about the duck noises. :)
Bigdaddy also loved to play golf. When we would visit, he would take me and my sisters for a ride, two at a time, in his golf cart. We loved it so much! Sometimes he would take us through the neighborhood to the nearby Dairy Queen, where he would let us pick out a frozen treat if we "promised not to tell mother or grandmother." Then we would drive through the golf course, up and down the hills, and he would let us hold on to the steering wheel and help to drive. We would always stop the cart at several locations and get out and look for lost golf balls to collect. I always smile when I think about one afternoon, when we weren't having much luck finding any golf balls. My youngest sister and I felt bad for our Bigdaddy, so when he wasn't looking we tossed a few of the ones in the cart out into the grass. Then we said, "Look Bigdaddy! I think I see a golf ball right over there!" Looking back, I'm not sure if he knew what we had done, but if he did he played along so well. "Well, look at that!" he said with a smile. "Here, you girls can hold these since you spotted them!"
Bigdaddy was the kind of man that many people were touched by. He wasn't just an amazing father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. As I hear stories of so many people talking about how he touched their lives, I know that he was a spiritual father for many as well. Shortly after Stephen and I first started dating, I introduced Stephen to my grandparents. At the end of that very first visit, I remember Bigdaddy telling Stephen, "Now Stephen, regardless of whether or not things work out between you and our granddaughter, we want you to know that you are like a grandson to us now. If you ever need anything at all, you let me know." And just like that, Bigdaddy took my future husband under his wing and promised to be there for him.
He was more than just a granddad to Stephen and I. He was a mentor to us. When I wrecked Stephen's car while we were still dating, my grandparents got him a replacement. When we had our first baby and needed a more reliable vehicle, they loaned us the money interest-free to buy a better one. They showed us how to pay it down quickly, and when we had done so quite a bit, they went ahead and forgave the rest of the loan. I remember him always telling us, "Now one of the first things that most young people do when they get married is go into debt. But the last thing you want to do is go into debt. It's a cycle that you'll be stuck in for years. Instead, save up and pay cash." He taught us not just about finances but about marriage, loving your spouse well, and living a life of faith and of generosity. He did so with not only his words but even more so by how he lived life. He was kind, gentle, and extremely generous. He loved the Lord so deeply, and it showed throughout his life.
Yesterday morning my Bigdaddy passed away. In some ways I can hardly believe it. Is he really gone? This man that has made such a mark on my life and my family. Almost a year ago, we sat in his living room and I watched as he played with my own children the same way that he played with me as a little girl. How I wish I could talk with him one more time to tell him how much of an impact he made on me, on Stephen, on our children, on so many others. How I wish I could hug him one more time and tell him how much I love him. This man... what a life well lived. I will never be able to count all of the ways that he has blessed his family, his friends, and so many others. One day, though... one sweet day we will see him again. I can only imagine the sheer joy that he is experiencing right now. He gets to see Jesus, and no doubt hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
We love you, Bigdaddy and already miss you more than words can say.
I remember being very young and making popsicles with him out of pineapple orange juice. I remember him pushing me on the tire swing while singing his own made-up songs with silly lyrics that would make me and my sisters laugh. When we were little and seated on his knee (and more recently for our own kiddos, his great-grandkids) he loved to make this goofy duck quacking noise meant to make us giggle that was half hilarious, half frightening. My sisters and I still laugh about the duck noises. :)
Bigdaddy also loved to play golf. When we would visit, he would take me and my sisters for a ride, two at a time, in his golf cart. We loved it so much! Sometimes he would take us through the neighborhood to the nearby Dairy Queen, where he would let us pick out a frozen treat if we "promised not to tell mother or grandmother." Then we would drive through the golf course, up and down the hills, and he would let us hold on to the steering wheel and help to drive. We would always stop the cart at several locations and get out and look for lost golf balls to collect. I always smile when I think about one afternoon, when we weren't having much luck finding any golf balls. My youngest sister and I felt bad for our Bigdaddy, so when he wasn't looking we tossed a few of the ones in the cart out into the grass. Then we said, "Look Bigdaddy! I think I see a golf ball right over there!" Looking back, I'm not sure if he knew what we had done, but if he did he played along so well. "Well, look at that!" he said with a smile. "Here, you girls can hold these since you spotted them!"
Bigdaddy was the kind of man that many people were touched by. He wasn't just an amazing father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. As I hear stories of so many people talking about how he touched their lives, I know that he was a spiritual father for many as well. Shortly after Stephen and I first started dating, I introduced Stephen to my grandparents. At the end of that very first visit, I remember Bigdaddy telling Stephen, "Now Stephen, regardless of whether or not things work out between you and our granddaughter, we want you to know that you are like a grandson to us now. If you ever need anything at all, you let me know." And just like that, Bigdaddy took my future husband under his wing and promised to be there for him.
He was more than just a granddad to Stephen and I. He was a mentor to us. When I wrecked Stephen's car while we were still dating, my grandparents got him a replacement. When we had our first baby and needed a more reliable vehicle, they loaned us the money interest-free to buy a better one. They showed us how to pay it down quickly, and when we had done so quite a bit, they went ahead and forgave the rest of the loan. I remember him always telling us, "Now one of the first things that most young people do when they get married is go into debt. But the last thing you want to do is go into debt. It's a cycle that you'll be stuck in for years. Instead, save up and pay cash." He taught us not just about finances but about marriage, loving your spouse well, and living a life of faith and of generosity. He did so with not only his words but even more so by how he lived life. He was kind, gentle, and extremely generous. He loved the Lord so deeply, and it showed throughout his life.
Yesterday morning my Bigdaddy passed away. In some ways I can hardly believe it. Is he really gone? This man that has made such a mark on my life and my family. Almost a year ago, we sat in his living room and I watched as he played with my own children the same way that he played with me as a little girl. How I wish I could talk with him one more time to tell him how much of an impact he made on me, on Stephen, on our children, on so many others. How I wish I could hug him one more time and tell him how much I love him. This man... what a life well lived. I will never be able to count all of the ways that he has blessed his family, his friends, and so many others. One day, though... one sweet day we will see him again. I can only imagine the sheer joy that he is experiencing right now. He gets to see Jesus, and no doubt hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
We love you, Bigdaddy and already miss you more than words can say.
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